26
by T'Key'la
Summary: Random thoughts on Enterprise Crew - no plot. Final chapter is posted. It's been fun!
1. Chapter 1

26 observations about Jim and Spock

* * *

A lot of the time, Jim asks Spock questions he could answer for himself just so Spock will raise that one eyebrow and look at him with his adorably puzzled expression.

Being Jim's first officer is much easier than most people would believe if only because Spock knows him so well.

Careful isn't a word that anyone would have used to describe James T. Kirk until he fell in love with the Enterprise and Spock, in that order.

Devotion is not a Vulcan concept but one Spock learns is well within his capacity given the right circumstances.

Eccentric was never a word used to describe Spock until Jim changed that, or corrupted him as Spock sometimes claims, making Jim laugh.

Foreplay is not one of their areas of expertise as they can never spend sufficient time perfecting their technique.

Gravity pales in comparison to Spock when it comes to keeping Jim grounded.

Hearts may been made to be broken but Jim promised Spock he would never do that to him and Spock believes him whole-heartedly.

I love you – three words Spock will never tire of hearing from his t'hy'la.

Jealousy was an emotion Jim had never experienced until he watched Spock and Uhura look at each other, just as Spock felt it every time Jim made overtures to anyone who… well, anyone.

Kindred spirits – that's how McCoy described them even before they admitted to themselves, or each other, how they felt.

Language sometimes gets in their way, unless it is the silent language of love.

Most of the crew delight in their happiness, although some think Uhura should have been treated better, support she appreciates but assures them is unnecessary.

Nice ass – surprisingly, it is when he hears those words that Spock finally decides that Jim really is interested in him as more than a friend and co-worker.

Opposite might attract but Spock thinks that he and Jim fit together perfectly, like two halves of the whole.

Pillows were one of the things they had to most trouble settling on when they finally moved into the same quarters.

Quizzical looks from the crew as they walk down the corridor make Jim laugh and Spock raise that one eyebrow.

Rational thought is impossible when Spock kisses him, and he is quite glad.

Spontaneous combustion is extremely rare Bones promised when Jim confided he is afraid loving Spock so much would cause him to burst into flames.

Temporal distortions suck but they also gave Jim the courage to tell Spock how he feels, wanting what the first Jim and Spock had.

Unilateral surrender is the only term Spock can find to adequately describe giving into the force of nature that is James Kirk in love.

Vegetarianism is something Jim will never be able to adopt but is extremely respectful of Spock's choice not to eat meat.

What am I going to do with you? is a question Spock asks just so Jim will laugh, the unbridled amusement lighting his blue eyes and crinkling the corners of his mouth.

Xenobiology is something Jim is glad he studied so he knows that Vulcans and Humans are sexual compatible even before he learns it first hand.

Year two is even better than year one but neither of them thought that would have been possible.

Zero is the number of times Jim asks Spock if he loves him because he already has the answer.


	2. 26 More

A/N: Today was a complete waste of make-up. I'd have been better off staying in bed. And because I need to cheer myself up, I give to you – 26 more. General observations about our favorite starship crew. You can be sure there's plenty of our (or at least my) favorite pair interspersed!

* * *

Zoo-like is what the Admirals wrote in evaluation of the overall behavior of the crew after a surprise inspection but Admiral Pike intercepted the report before it got up to Command because he understands their need to periodically let down their hair and howl at the moon.

Yelling is discouraged on board the Enterprise except when playing charades and shouting out the answers is the only way to get the win for Team Blue.

X never ever marks the spot until Jim draws one over his heart for Spock to find.

Wishing will not make it so unless you are wishing a certain Vulcan will fall in love with you when he already has.

Visiting new and unexplored planets is equally frightening and exciting, and despite what Starfleet seems to believe, only sometimes ends up with all hell breaking loose.

Until the crew met James Kirk they thought the most exciting things they would encounter would be found outside the Enterprise.

Tiberius shouldn't be anyone's middle name, and on the rare occasion one of the crew asks the Captain about it, he laughs and says his mother had hopes of him becoming a Roman Emperor.

Surak, Spock is sure, would have changed his mind about suppressing all emotion if he had been the one to fall in love with a certain Captain.

Really, the entire ship knew they were meant to be together.

Quality time together can be hard to come by so they have learned to make the most of every minute they have to themselves.

Pillorying has been outlawed for centuries but there are certain yeomen who make Jim think those laws may have been premature.

Occasionally Jim has to reprimand one of his crew and he has decided that it's the worst part of being Captain, worse even than paperwork.

Naughty words start appearing on the walls of Rec Room 4 and Jim decides to leave them because graffiti is a time-honored Human tradition and they secretly make him laugh.

Mastering Human humor has never been high on Spock's list of priorities until he decides he wants to be the one to make Jim laugh until milk comes out his nose.

Leisure time can be in short supply which is why Jim turns a blind eye when his crew plays Phrenzied Phaser Phire on their computers, and he knows they'll stop when their duty requires their undivided attention.

Kidnapping is frowned on but if it helps to capture the flag and secure victory for Team Gold Jim can be persuaded to look the other way.

Just because we can doesn't mean we should was inadequate to dissuade Jim from trying nil-gravity parasailing on shoreleave which predictably ended in disaster and a lengthy recovery period in MedBay.

Injuries are to be expected while exploring space but Bones still can't figure out how Jim dislocated both hips or why Spock looks so embarrassed when Bones asks him about it.

Hard-headed is all-too-often used to describe Jim but he prefers focused and confident which Spock says do not have the same meaning although Jim chooses to ignore him.

Gravy makes everything taste better Bones always says while eating whatever it is buried beneath.

Fresh food is a rare and cherished treat during space travel and Jim seems to find ways to requisition it more often than do most Captains, securing the devotion of even those crewmembers who don't believe he really is a miracle worker.

Exceptional in all circumstances – that's how Starfleet describes the Command Crew when they are awarded the George Kirk Commendation of Excellence.

Despite Jim's best efforts to convince them otherwise, Starfleet continues to consider him their number one hero and prize addition to any official function, a fate made easier because he drags Spock along with him.

Captains don't go on away missions is the beginning of nearly every message he receives from Starfleet, right before their acknowledgement that if he hadn't gone planetside the negotiations would not have ended successfully.

BFF is a term Spock found silly, childish, and idiotic right up to the first time he heard Jim use it when referring to him.

All things considered, Jim can't imagine what his life would be like if he hadn't boarded the shuttle and thanks Chris on the anniversary of that date, providing of course he is conscious or otherwise in any condition to talk.


	3. 26 Foods

Apples are Jim's favorite fruit and Spock knows it is illogical for him to envy the food whenever Jim eats one while on the Bridge.

Banana pudding was not a delight that had existed in Jim's world until Bones introduces him to it, something for which Jim will never be able to adequately thank him.

Caramel apples seem utterly illogical to Spock until their bond transmits to him the unbridled pleasure that Jim experiences while eating them.

Doughnuts also seem illogical to Spock until Jim shares one with him and then he understands.

Eggnog only appears at Christmas and Jim is glad because Spock likes it a little too much, and since Jim is allergic to it, he's forced to wait two hours to kiss Spock after he drinks it.

French fries are one of Jim's secret addictions, one he does everything possible to hide from Bones, but the doctor always knows when he's eaten them.

Green beans are not high on Jim's list of favorite foods but Spock loves them so much Jim will eat them without complaint whenever he is offered some.

Hashbrowns often accompany Jim's scrambled eggs only because he can't get away with eating french fires for breakfast.

Ice cream is often in Jim's dreams and he always shares with Spock, making Spock wish it were more readily available in the waking world.

Jujubes had been Jim's favorite candy when he was little but eating them as an adult turns out to be oddly unsatisfactory, the reality failing to live up to the memories.

Kosher dill pickles make any sandwich better in Jim's experience, even replicated ones.

Lemonade is quite refreshing, Spock decides after consuming way too much on a visit to San Francisco.

Marshmallows should only be eaten after being toasted Spock insists when Jim offers him one straight from the package.

Nectarines are fine but Jim really prefers peaches even with that weird fuzz on the skin which seems to vaguely freak Spock out.

Oranges are not just a delicious fruit but an awesome weapon when a food fight breaks out in mess.

Potatoes are not intended to be the only vegetable you consume, Bones reminds Jim almost daily, insisting he occasionally eat something green as well.

Quiche is a good place to disguise broccoli, especially when Bones adds hashbrowns to Jim's plate because then he knows he'll eat it all.

Raspberries don't need to exist as far as Jim is concerned, considering there are plenty of other berries to choose from.

Spaghetti is best with meat sauce but Jim has no problem switching to marinara so Spock will eat it with him, Lady and the Tramp style.

Tacos with no meat are quite delicious but Spock refuses to eat them because they fall apart too easily and it annoys him when they make a mess.

Unleavened bread makes a good substitute for crunchy taco shells but Spock isn't interested in trying it because he still holds a grudge against the entire idea of tacos.

Velveeta Cheese isn't really cheese or a food Bones complains to Spock for the hundredth time, but Spock knows neither of them will ever stop Jim from eating it.

Whipped cream is fine on desserts but much better on Spock.

Xyrillian greens are considered a delicacy by many humans but Jim is not among them, their tart flavor and constant movement equally disconcerting to him whenever he tries to eat them.

Yams are Bones favorite starchy vegetable, a devotion he spreads throughout the entire crew.

Zucchini grows really well under Sulu's care and attention except when Jim pinches off the flowers because he gets so tired of Bones trying to make him eat them.


	4. 26 Questions

A/N: Yeah, I'm utterly addicted to writing these now. I'm going to look into getting therapy soon, I promise. This is a two-for-one special. And in my defense, I live in the part of the South that got a huge (by our standards) snowstorm so I won't be going anywhere for a few days. Which means there may be more of these on the way. I apologize if you feel bombarded by my submissions. I guess you can always un-alert my stories if you need to! Anyway, I hope you enjoy. These are short, and hopefully funny!

**26 Questions Bones Wishes He Never Had to Ask Jim**

Aren't you concerned that Starfleet will have your ass in a sling if you disobey every order they give you?

Because you can is the reason you decided to try underwater spear fishing?

Can't you at least pretend you're surprised that I was right about eating those innocent looking flowers?

Doesn't it occur to you that I have better things to do than patch you up one more time?

Ever heard of better safe than sorry?

For the last time can you please remember that you are not immortal?

Good God man how many of those did you drink?

Happy?

I'm guessing you have a really good explanation for that particular rash?

Just because Spock said it was okay?

Kumquats did what to you?

Listen to your doctor much?

My God man how many times do I have to tell you I'm a doctor not a sex therapist?

Not again?

Oh no you did not?

Position of the day?

Questions will not be tolerated - orly???

Repeat that one more time - slowly?

Stupid isn't an adequate diagnosis??

Taking off your clothes is too much to ask for this exam?

Underwear?

Victory includes a broken arm and a fractured nose?

Why?

X-rays revealed what?

Your what hurts?

Zipping up did that?

* * *

**26 Questions Jim Asked Spock Before, During and/or After**

Aren't you glad I finally admitted I love you?

Bones told you to tell me that?

Can't you see how much I hate it when you go on away missions without me?

Doesn't it seem like longer than 6 months that we've been in love?

Either one of those ideas appeal to you?

Faster?

Got any more ideas you would like to try?

How did you say this is supposed work?

I did what to you?

Just one more minute?

Kissing doesn't get any better than this does it?

Listening to me sleep makes you want to wake me up?

More?

Nobody ever did that to you before?

Only I can make you feel that way?

Please?

Quick and dirty or slow and dirty?

Research told you that?

Spock?

That was your first time?

Until the stars go out?

Variety is the spice of life, right?

We'll try that again soon?

Xenobiology said we can do that?

Yes you are now or yes you can be ready soon?

Zebras make you think of having sex with me?


	5. 26 Names and 26 Excuses

A/N: These are the last ones I have written as of right now. I promise not to post any more for a few days. And if any of these strike your fancy as a possible plot bunny, you have my unqualified blessings/permission to adopt it/them and make them stories. Not saying it will happen. Just saying it's okay if it does! (These two sections are unrelated but I decided to post them as one since they are so short.)

* * *

**26 Names**

Admiral Christopher Pike remains Jim Kirk's strongest advocate throughout Jim's somewhat stormy Starfleet career.

Bones would prefer to give back his nickname but Jim will not be denied in anything, especially renaming those people he cares the most about.

Chekov worships Jim which embarrasses Jim to no end but Spock assures him there is nothing he can do about it so Jim tries to accept it with grace.

Dr. McCoy wishes Jim were an easier patient but as he has unlimited access to all of Jim's files he understands Jim's unease around all thing medical.

Ensign Chekov believes he hides his hero worship pretty well and Lt. Sulu would never do anything to make him think otherwise.

First Officer Spock cannot imagine serving on any ship but the Enterprise with any Captain but his t'hy'la.

George Kirk finally stopped haunting his son about the time Jim celebrated his second anniversary as Captain of the USS Enterprise.

Hikaru Sulu loves Pavel Chekov more than he ever thought possible and he's happy that those feelings are returned.

I don't care what you call me as long as you mean "I love you" when you say it.

Jim Kirk loves his First Officer more than most people know although that he worships him is pretty obvious to everyone.

Kirk, James Kirk, he says after watching one too many James Bond movies making the crew beg Spock to hide them all.

Leonard McCoy likes being in their company because the reflection of their love is warmer than his beloved Georgia sunshine.

Montgomery Scott isn't really a miracle worker but no one would ever dare tell his Captain that.

Nyota Uhura still loves Spock, enough to be happy for him that he found that one person he always needed.

Oprah reruns occasionally still find their way into their holopics, and they often find truth in her advice.

Pavel doesn't really believe everything was inwented in Russia, he just likes making the Captain laugh when he claims that it was.

Q watches the crew of this Enterprise and thinks having a 25 year old Captain makes them even more fun than the crew of the first Kirk but wisely keeps his opinions to himself, not even telling Picard about the temporal anomaly.

Rand likes being the Captain's Yeoman but when she signed onto Starfleet thought her life would be a little more exciting than getting coffee and asking him to sign yet another stack of forms he refuses to read first.

Spock knows the Captain watches him when they are on duty and if he doesn't think about it too much can actually concentrate on his work while he's on the Bridge.

Tomcat is a nickname Jim despises, and if he ever finds out who started calling him that at the Academy, will have words with him, if by words you can mean fisticuffs.

Uhura really does think Jim Kirk is a fine Captain but isn't about to admit it to anyone, least of all him.

Vulcans wish Spock would return to them but understand why he doesn't because they've met Captain Kirk and have seen how they look at one another.

Winona Kirk is very proud of her baby boy even though it's hard for her to admit it to him, especially since he almost always refuses to accept her communications.

X may or may not be the first letter of Spock's unpronounceable clan/last/family name, a mystery Jim can never solve because Spock refuses to translate it into standard for him.

Yeoman Rand wishes the Captain would be a little tidier when discarding his dirty uniforms and wonders if she talked to Spock, again, if it would help.

Z could also be the first letter of Spock's mysterious name but whenever Jim asks him, he ignores him or changes the subject, or Jim's favorite distraction, silences him with a kiss.

* * *

**26 Excuses Jim Tried to Get Past Bones**

Alright, I didn't really slip in the shower.

But Spock said he didn't mind.

Cats?

Don't you ever believe I slipped in the shower?

Exactly 3:15 this morning is what Spock said.

Fine – Spock bit me but it was an accident.

Got to get back to the Bridge.

Horny Vulcans are very dangerous.

I told him I don't believe in no-sex scenarios.

Jesus, Bones, easy with those hyposprays down there.

Kirk's the name – danger's the game – ow – stop hitting me!

Leave me to die in peace – and it's not just a flesh wound!

McCoy, you are an evil evil man.

No Spock isn't bleeding.

Ow – how about a little sympathy?

Please stop giving me a hypospray every time you see me.

Quit stalking me with those things.

Relax – I was kidding.

Stop right there – not one step closer.

That's what Spock told me too.

Unless you are planning to sedate me, again, I'm going back to the Bridge.

Very funny – now give me back my uniform so I can get out of MedBay and report for duty.

Why don't you ever feel sorry for me when I come to you for help?

X-rays did not reveal any such thing.

You're not using that hypospray on me.

Zippers are way more dangerous than you think they are.


	6. 26 About Jim

Although he knows it pisses Spock off, Jim loves to eat Oreos in bed next to him, and when he shares, Spock becomes less annoyed about the crumbs the habit leaves on the sheets.

Before Jim met Spock, he figured he'd spend his entire life as the "love 'em and leave 'em" type.

Carpeting is fine but Jim loves the feel of a wooden floor beneath his bare body when he and Spock find one they can make love on.

Drunk or sober, Jim Kirk cannot sing worth a damn, something Spock must periodically remind him of when he becomes too impressed with his own non-existent musical talent.

Escaping from Iowa was the best thing that ever happened to Jim, until he met Spock.

Folding doors scare Jim, even though he'd never admit it, because when he came home drunk at the Academy he inevitably smashed at least one finger opening or closing his closet doors.

Getting drunk off your ass is a coping mechanism, Bones told him all the time, which Jim already knew but was unwilling or unable to stop completely until he became Captain of his ship.

His ship – Jim didn't think there were two sweeter words ever spoken until Spock said "Me too."

Intensely, totally, completely, with abandon, without question – do you need any more ways I love you, Spock?

Jackie Robinson is one of Jim's heroes because he refused to back down, in order to do what he truly believed was right.

Kaleidoscopes are endless fascinating to Jim, the colors and patterns mesmerizing him, a fascination Spock shares from the first moment Jim hands him one to look through.

Less may be more in some circumstances but Jim thinks more of Spock is more of a good thing.

Mock Mutiny Day is celebrated annually on the anniversary of the day Jim was named Captain, the crew kidnapping him to his party and threatening to take over his ship until he surrenders to the revelry already taking place in the Rec Room.

Nothing makes Jim happier than returning to his quarters after his shift to find Spock there and waiting for him.

Observing Spock while he's on duty makes Jim smile which makes the rest of the Bridge crew smile until Spock turns around with an eyebrow raised in question at their seemingly inexplicable behavior.

Please – one word Spock says that makes Jim work even harder to show Spock just how much he loves him.

Qualities expected in every Starfleet captain – a phrase for which Spock apologizes countless times until Jim threatens to smack him if he apologizes one more time.

Responsibility was not something Jim was accustom to but learned quickly that being Captain meant nothing else.

Streaking is strictly banned by Starfleet but Jim allows it every year on Mardi Gras _and_ has promised Spock he'll never do it himself.

Threats from the admirals make Jim laugh, unless it's from Chris Pike, then he does exactly as he's told, much to Chris' relief.

Us – that's how Jim thinks of him and Spock, the "us" Jim has always wanted and loves being one half of.

Variegated yarn in blacks and grey made Spock sad until Jim asked Uhura to teach him to knit so he could make Spock a sweater like the one his mother gave him before he left for Starfleet Academy.

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with just age, Spock assures Jim on the rare occasions he has doubts about his ability to be Captain.

Xenophobic planets make Jim's blood boil and he has to wait until he is calm enough to begin sending a report to Starfleet about the latest narrow-minded beings they ran into.

Zone Wars periodically break out between Engineering and Security which Jim allows to continue until the whining from the losing side becomes too much to handle.


	7. 26 About Spock

Admirals sometimes contact Spock to try to talk him into helping them "control" Jim but Spock knows that Jim will do what he thinks is right and only taking away the Enterprise will change that.

Before Spock met Jim, he never considered the possibility that he could love anyone the way he loves Jim.

Chocolate can be intoxicating to Vulcans, but for Spock Jim is even more so.

Drawing is an activity Spock enjoys in his free time, and although no one would mistake his art for Michangelo's, he is very talented at capturing the nuances of those around him.

Entirely too much time was wasted before they admitted they love each other and Spock tries very hard not to regret the time that could also have been theirs.

Foot massages were a complete mystery to Spock until the first time Jim gives him one and he turns to a puddle of contentment on their loveseat.

Gorgeous is the only word Spock can use to adequately describe Jim, especially right after they have made mind numbing love from which they both must recover before they can think about moving.

Hero – a word Spock knows Jim hates when it's used for him, but Spock reminds him that if saving Earth and quite possibly the Federation doesn't qualify, then nothing does.

Irrational though it may be, Spock cannot stand for Jim to be out of his sight for much longer than an hour, which inevitably makes Jim laugh.

Justify your attachment to him, Sarek said to Spock, but then he saw them together and knew words would only be redundant.

Knowing Jim loves him warms Spock, feeling Jim's love is Spock's salvation.

Loitering on the Bridge is discouraged unless Jim's shift follows Spock's in which case Spock ignores the rule long enough to welcome Jim, give him a full report on all that occurred, and ask if he requires anything like coffee or an apple or perhaps even Spock's continued presence on the Bridge.

Music to my ears is the only adequate definition Spock can find for the sound of Jim's laughter.

Nothing could have prepared Spock for the intensity of the love he feels for Jim, or for the love he receives in return.

Opinionated, stubborn, hard-headed, insufferably intelligent – all words Dr. McCoy has used to describe Spock at one time or another but Spock knows his insults are a disguise for a friendship they both cherish and nurture.

Pi is infinitely beautiful in its own orderly and mysterious way, which Spock will confess only to Jim because he knows Jim would never laugh about his fondness for that mathematical constant.

Quagmire – that's what Jim called the rules and regulations pertaining to spousal assignments until Spock promised he'd file the necessary paperwork and navigate the somewhat treacherous waters of Starfleet procedures.

Ripe olives are one of Spock's favorite pizza toppings and he pretends he doesn't notice that Jim scrapes off the ones on his slices.

Stop that - Spock has to periodically ask of Jim when his mental images over their bond threaten to derail any hopes Spock has of completing his work during his shift.

Thirty nine hours and fifteen minutes is the longest they have gone between making love when they have both been conscious, unhurt, and anywhere close enough to touch each other, _not_ that Spock is keeping track exactly.

Until the stars go out is how long Jim tells Spock that he will love him, and Spock believes him.

Valentine's Day was an occasion Spock refused to acknowledge until he found the perfect gift for Jim their first year together.

Whatever he was before he's so much more for loving Jim.

XOXOXO mysteriously pops up on Spock's computer screen at random intervals, not that he has any doubt about who installed the sub-routine to make it appear.

Yes – the answer Spock knows he'll receive every time he suggests they hide out in their quarters on their day off.

Zymurgy is the scientific study of fermentation, Spock explains when Jim finds a reference to it on Spock's computer, not a new sexual position he's discovered.

* * *

Oh duh – I just realized that the "26 About Jim" was only 25 – I forgot **Y**. I'm so sorry, _**Y**_. You are just as deserving as the other letters. Here you go:

Yield - Jim laughs when Spock has him pinned down on the bed because then they both win.


	8. 26 Times They Spoke in Anger

26 Times They Spoke in Anger

A/N: For the Ship Wars on LiveJournal, the most recent prompt was "In the Doghouse Again" which implied, of course, fighting. It made me consider what Jim and Spock might say to one another in anger. And although I wrote an entry for that Ship Wars prompt, I decided to try a "26" for anger. Let's see how it works out:

* * *

All right, Spock, we'll do it your way and hope all hell doesn't break loose.

Before you go, Captain, I believe it is in your best interest to reconsider your orders that I not beam down as well.

Careful, Spock, that is awfully close to insubordination.

Do you say these things on purpose to see if you can elicit a negative emotional response from me?

Essentially you're saying I should have never been made Captain and you would do a much better job.

From your reaction, I must surmise that you do not believe my statement to be entirely truthful.

Godammit, Spock, I had things under control before you came storming into the banquet hall.

How do you expect me to trust you when you refuse to tell me the truth concerning the extent of your injuries?

I will not be lectured to by you, Commander.

Jealousy makes you suspect betrayals where they do not exist.

Keep your nose out of my business or I swear I will break it.

Lower your voice, Captain, unless you want the entire ship to know you are this angry at me.

My reasons are not subject to your approval, Commander, and you'd do well to remember that in future.

No wise Captain makes decisions without the advice of those around him, sir.

Orders are non-negotiable, Commander, even those from your bondmate.

Perhaps you have failed to understand the degree to which you are wrong in this instance, Captain.

Quit second guessing me in front of my crew.

Reasonable people should be able to disagree without it denigrating into personal attacks.

Spock, you aren't the Captain and I would really appreciate it if you would remember that.

Trying to do as you ask has become more difficult with each passing day.

Unless you want to be brought up on charges, I suggest you follow my orders as I give them.

Very well, Captain, I will set aside my reservations and do as you have ordered.

Why is saying you're sorry so hard for you, Spock?

Xenobiology is not your area of expertise which is why I tried to warn you that the natives were not going to be receptive to our presence.

You don't need to remind me that I have screwed up again, thank you very much.

Zeroing-in on my traits of which you do not approve is not healthy for either of us.


	9. 26 Apologies

26 Apologies

A/N: Okay, I couldn't leave them angry. So here are 26 things they said to make up after fighting. These don't parallel the 26 Angry Statements 'cause that would be way more of a challenge than I'm willing to undertake. Hope that's okay.

* * *

About the time you left our quarters, I realized how wrong I was and I'm really sorry.

Be certain that I love you even when I speak out of turn.

Careless words won't come between us, I can promise you.

Despite what you sometimes think, I do know that you are the finest Captain in Starfleet.

Eventually we'll work it out so we won't fight over who's right and who's wrong.

Forgive me for striking out at you when I was the one in the wrong.

Godammit, Spock, I won't ever stop loving you.

How can you always know to say exactly what I need to hear?

I love you and nothing you say will ever change that.

Just as I love you.

Keeping you is more important than keeping the Enterprise and I won't let you forget that again.

Love is stronger than anger, of that you can be certain.

My anger was misplaced and I should have never yelled at you.

Never doubt that you are the most important person in my life.

Orders be damned, we're going to bed to have hot make-up sex.

Perhaps the briefing could be postponed for 20 minutes.

Questioning me shouldn't make me angry and I'll try to listen instead of reacting next time.

Research can wait if you are amenable to alternate plans.

Stop apologizing and kiss me.

Together – I believe that is my favorite word right after forever.

Unless you have more pressing responsibilities, I vote we return to our quarters for more hot make-up sex.

Very hot sex, Captain?

What other kind is there, really?

X-rated sex of the make-up variety is what I have in mind, sir.

You are very persuasive when you are trying to convince me you were wrong.

Zebras, Captain, only zebras.


	10. 26 About Bones

Although he will deny it to his dying breath, he considers Spock his best friend too, different from but equal to his friendship with Jim.

Breathing is underrated as a cure for many of the ailments from which his Captain suffers, especially if Bones disappears from Jim's "radar" for longer than three hours.

Captains are generally older than Jim for a good reason, Bones decides when his friend's youth makes him once again believe he is invincible.

Denying he cares for Spock is one of his great pleasures but Spock knows the truth although he'll never admit it either.

Everyone knows Bones will stop at nothing to take care of all those aboard the Enterprise, unless Jim or Spock also need his attention, in which case everyone else must wait, and they are okay with that.

For too a long time after his divorce from that she-devil, Bones didn't feel worthy of being anyone's friend, until a certain Cadet changed his opinion of himself.

Gravity is Bones' friend, something he wishes there was more of on the Enterprise, especially whenever there is a glitch in the controls which then causes him to have vertigo, again.

Hellfire is nothing compared to an angry Dr. McCoy, a lesson Jim has failed repeatedly to learn.

Ignoring Dr. McCoy's advice is allowed once and only once.

Jambalaya is a dish he cannot stand – he's from Georgia, not Louisiana, he has to explain more than once.

Kindness is fine but he knows a kick in the ass is sometimes a lot more useful.

Leonard McCoy is nobody's fool but he can be persuaded to turn a blind eye for the right reasons.

Medical school could have never prepared him for some of the injuries he encounters while serving on the Enterprise and thinks if he survives to retire, he'll put those lessons to good use for the next generation of Starfleet doctors.

New crewmembers avoid Dr. McCoy because of what they've heard until they have no choice but to visit and find he doesn't really have horns or use a pitchfork as a diagnostic tool.

Office hours are strictly limited – generally limited to 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – making Bones request, again, that Starfleet assign them a third doctor.

Pillows kept disappearing from his Medical Bay, a mystery that was solved when he discovered the pillow fort that "someone" had built in Spock's mostly deserted quarters.

Quit complaining – the words Jim swears he'll see engraved on Bones' tombstone.

Regardless of what the medical texts might say, sometimes a good brandy can cure what ails you.

Southerners are just different, Jim often tells him, to which Bones responds with a polite nod and smile.

Talkin' when he's tired out makes him sound even more Southern, 'specially when he includes some of his grandma's favorite sayins in his ramblin', may she rest in peace.

Underneath his gruff exterior beats a heart that loves passionately and cares beyond measure.

Virginity is meant to be lost, he finally tells a pretty little yeoman who comes to him in tears because she thinks her mama's going to kill her when she finds out.

Watermelon on a hot day – nothin' better.

Xenobiology is not a mystery to him but he's happy to leave the toughest cases to Dr. M'Benga.

Yams – candied, pie, casserole, plain with cinnamon butter – all delights the crew share because of Dr. McCoy's love of them.

Zero population growth on a starship is fine in theory but McCoy knows that unattached crewmembers are going to do what humans have done since time began and sometimes a baby is going to result from it.


	11. 26 About Uhura

Africa will always be her homeland but the Enterprise is her home.

Being as beautiful as she is means that she sometimes has a hard time being taken seriously.

Certain members of the Enterprise crew believe Spock ended their relationship, an erroneous assumption she leaves unchallenged.

During a crisis, Spock will still make sure she is safe, right after ensuring the safety of their Captain.

Earrings are not a part of the standard Starfleet uniform but Captain Kirk will defend her right to wear them to any who question her jewelry.

Fortunately for Jim, she finally did forgive him for hitting on her the first time he saw her, because, really, who can blame him?

Grace under pressure is how the Bridge crew always describe her once the latest crisis has been successfully resolved.

Her heart smiles and cries in equal measure when she sees the happiness Jim and Spock share.

I will always love you, she assures Spock on the rare occasions he confesses that he wishes things in both their lives could have turned out differently.

Junior officers often stutter when trying to tell her something, and she will nod and smile encouragingly until they finally finish what they have to say.

Kirk, she warns, if you hurt him I will have you killed.

Long legs are definitely an asset _and_ a distraction but it wasn't her choice that the uniforms be so short.

McCoy becomes one of her closest friends because he knows better than anyone what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.

Nyota means "star" which Spock told her was perfect for someone who shines as brightly as she does.

Orion women like being around her because then they aren't the only one the men shameless hit on.

Pajamas are optional but she usually wears them when she sleeps alone because she knows she'll be the second person the Captain wakes up if there is a crisis.

Queen of All She Surveys is what Chekov and Sulu call her, making her laugh when they bow at her entrance.

Recognizing that Spock was not meant for her was the hardest thing she's ever done, including letting him go.

Sex after Spock is fine but never _quite_ as good.

Tempting as it may be, she will not trade secrets about Spock with the _Captain_.

Under no circumstances will Spock tell her secrets to the _Captain_ because he knows she will have him killed if he does.

Visitors to the Enterprise want to talk to her more than anyone else, even the Captain, which he has finally learned to accept with grace.

Watching Scotty work is one of her great pleasures because he is so methodical and knowledgeable and he isn't distracted (much) by her presence.

Xenolinguistics was her first and only choice when she entered the Academy and her instructors quickly learned why.

Young girls often write to her asking what it's like to serve on a Starship and she always answers, encouraging them to pursue their dreams.

Zebras could be seen running wild at the edge of the town where she grew up, a fact she shared with Spock but one he keeps safely to himself.


	12. 26 About Scotty

Art has many meanings and Jim will fight anyone who says Scotty isn't a true artist.

Being Chief Engineer of the Enterprise is every engineer's dream job and Scotty has no plans to give it up until they carry him off.

Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott of the USS Enterprise – take that, Admiral Archer (and your little dog too)!

Double shifts are status quo for Scotty and no one, not even the Captain, can do anything to change that.

Engineering is Scotty's domain, and woe-betide to the person who forgets.

Face-time with Scotty is one of Jim's true pleasure because he is the one person who loves the Enterprise more than Jim does.

Guilty pleasures don't get much better than sipping Scotty's moonshine while his accent gets thicker and he tells the story, one more time, of how he saved the Captain.

Hardly a day goes by that Scotty isn't thankful that the Captain rescued him from Delta Vega.

I'm given it all I got – mostly Scotty says it to make Jim laugh, which he does once the crisis du jour has passed.

Juice – that's what he calls his moonshine and sometimes people pretend they don't really know what he means.

Klingons – how dare they try to damage his ship, damn them!

Loving the Enterprise leaves him very little time to love anyone who can actually reciprocate.

Maybe one day he will find a human who fills him with as much joy as does the Enterprise, the kind of joy he sees between Jim and Spock.

No one (except Jim) would believe that Spock delights in Scotty's company - because Scotty never judges anyone and Spock finds that trait very centering.

Opinions aside, Scotty is the best Engineer in all of Starfleet – this is a _fact_ and Spock has the charts to prove it.

_Probably_ he tells the Captain when he asks if they can maintain warp eight long enough to evade the Klingons.

Quit takin' my sandwiches, Keenser!!

Roast beef, turkey, ham, three strips of bacon, lettuce, tomato, splash of mayo, dash of oil and balsamic vinegar, on a sub roll.

Some day Jim will convince him to finally take shore leave but he won't push Scotty into it.

Touch his engines without his blessings and, Captain or not, you will regret it.

Umbrellas annoy Scotty, maybe because it rains so much in Scotland, and he won't be caught dead with one.

Very few people understand Scotty the way that Jim does, and Scotty is eternally grateful that he serves the Captain that he does.

Waste frankly pisses him off so he found a way to recycle almost everything on the Enterprise, many of his methods becoming standard Starfleet procedure.

Xpert Engine Repairs – that's what the sign read on the shop where Scotty first discovered the joys of making something run again.

You are very much like the Ambassador, Scotty tells Spock one day, receiving Spock's barely disguised gratitude as his reward.

Zebra print sheets mysteriously appear in his quarters and although he never discovers who put them on his bed, they became his favorite sheets, the laundry treating them with extra care.


	13. 26 About Chekov

**26 About Chekov**

Antique books written in Russian periodically appear in his quarters and he gratefully reads each one, but never tries to find out who leaves them because that would take away some of the magic.

Boy genius – if he never hears those two words again, he'll be eternally grateful.

Chess is fine but he prefers fencing with Hikaru because the exercise leads to a lot more.

Dedication to Keptain Kirk and Starfleet, in that order.

Eavesdropping on the Keptain talking to - or more accurately, flirting with - Commander Spock is one of the secret pleasures of being a part of the Bridge crew.

Falling is probably his greatest fear, and he sometimes wakes up from _that_ nightmare - he wasn't able to save Hikaru or the Keptain when they fell from the drill.

Gorgeous, smart, funny, his – all words he uses to describe Hikaru Sulu.

Hikaru uses the same words for Pavel, mostly late at night in their quarters.

Implode – that's what Pavel was afraid he'd do until Hikaru finally admitted how he felt, echoing Pavel's feeling exactly.

Just looking at Uhura is enough to make Pavel glad he's on the Enterprise.

Keptain Kirk is the best Starfleet Keptain, ever, and Pavel knows because he's done the research.

Looking at Uhura used to make Hikaru jealous, which Pavel didn't really mind, until Hikaru realized that it was quite enjoyable.

Moscow is beautiful in vinter, Pavel tried to tell Hikaru, but Sulu still didn't think it was such a good idea to visit in February.

No one would accuse Pavel of hero-worship when it comes to his admiration of Keptain Kirk, but they all know it exists.

Only Keptain Kirk seems oblivious to Pavel's hero-worship but Spock suspects he pretends not to notice so it won't embarrass the Ensign.

Pasha is the name only Sulu is allowed to call him, except if the Keptain decided he wanted to.

Quarantine after their encounter with the aliens on Attridgal Alpha turned out not to be so bad since it gave them 10 days all to themselves.

Red alerts still unnerve him but as long as the Keptain is calm, Pavel is as well.

Sulu being next to him also helps calm his nerves during the frequent crisis they face because they serve on the Enterprise.

Tradition dictates that he go home for Orthodox Easter but his parents understand when he can't make it every year.

Underage drinking will be ignored when there are no visitors aboard the ship, and Hikaru promise to make sure he gets safely back to their quarters.

Very well done, the Keptain says to him after the latest emergency passes, and he doesn't stop smiling for three days.

When I grow up, I'm going to be just like the Keptain, he tells Hikaru after a little too much underage drinking.

Xmplry – that's what he said, he tells Hikaru the same night.

Yes, Pavel, I know, Hikaru responds, hoping Pavel will finally wind down enough to go to sleep.

Zzzzz…Hikaru loves to watch Pavel sleep but will love it even more when he wakes up and they do the horizontal tango.


	14. 26 About Sulu

**26 About Sulu**

Automatic pilot are two words he really likes because that means he can spend more time talking to, or flirting with, Pavel even when they're on duty.

Botany could have been his career choice but he knew nothing would beat the excitement of being on the Bridge of a starship, especially the Enterprise.

Commander Spock is an excellent fencing opponent, but Sulu still wins about 60% of the time, slightly more often if the Captain watches their match.

Delicious is how he describes sushi to Pavel but he knows he will never convince him to eat it.

Every now and again, he dreams he's falling from the drill, and Pavel talks soothingly to him until he can go back to sleep.

Free-falling from the shuttle was exciting but if he never has to do it again, he'll be just as happy.

Getting assigned to the Enterprise is the best thing that ever happened to him, until he discovers how much he loves Pavel.

He knows that Pavel worships the Captain and because he understands, it will never come between them.

In his own way, he also worships Captain Kirk, but he's been around enough to know how to disguise it better than… some people can.

Jailbait – if he hears one more person use that term for his Pasha, he will run them through with his saber.

Kirk loves watching Sulu when he's fully involved in his duty as helmsman because Sulu becomes one with their ship, a feeling the Captain completely understands.

Leaving Earth wasn't the hardship for Sulu that it was for those who came from loving families, a truth he finally reveals to Pavel after a night of one too many drinks.

Mostly, he's gotten over his embarrassment of then-Captain Pike's question about the parking break, and is eternally grateful that his Captain wasn't on the Bridge to hear it.

Nyota is without a doubt the most beautiful woman Hikaru has ever met and he's glad he can finally talk to her without his color (or anything else) rising.

Occasionally, Commander Spock requests his help in the Botany lab and Hikaru feels a glow of pride that his work is appreciated by someone as smart as Spock.

Playing chess bores Sulu because you have to sit still to do it.

Quixotic – when Captain Kirk called him that, he didn't know whether to be insulted or pleased, so he finally broke down and asked Spock, who assured him that the Captain meant it in the kindest way possible, which made it okay.

Rushing in without thinking – maybe that trait (which he knows he shares with Kirk) is the reason the Captain used quixotic to start with.

Saving the Universe seemed like all in a day's work to Kirk, and Sulu tried very hard to be as cool and nonchalant about it, although he suspected he failed, because really, no one is as uber-cool as his Captain.

Thank you – he will never be able to say that enough to Kirk for risking his life by jumping off the drill to save him.

Universal translators have their place, but nothing is more beautiful to Hikaru than when Pavel says "I love you" in Russian.

Various crewmembers have voted Hikaru as the second coolest person aboard the Enterprise, a vote Pavel assures him is correct.

White people all look the same to me, he told Pavel once when they were drunk, to which Pavel responded that he was one of those white people, and they both laughed until they passed out.

Xtreme fencing – naked (except for mukluks) on a glacier field – he tried it once but never again.

Yield – a word he loves hearing from Mr. Spock when they are fencing.

Zebra stripes is a fencing term for the loser, a word that has never been used for Hikaru because even when he loses, he's too quick to have those type of bruises.


	15. 26 About the Enterprise

**26 About the Enterprise**

Attributing Human characteristics to an inanimate object is clearly illogical but even Spock cannot help but think that their Starship is beautiful and does all that she can to protect them from the cold vacuum of space.

Being built in Riverside Iowa was one more reason Jim Kirk was sure she would be his.

Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise – yeah, it does rock as much as it sounds like it would!!

Dents in the hull receive Scotty's careful scrutiny whenever he has the chance to look at them, which frankly isn't as frequently as he'd like, but they can't go to spaceport every week, Jim explains patiently.

Enterprise – a time-tested name given only to the very best of any fleet and this Starship is no exception.

Firing her phasers gives Sulu a small thrill but he'll never admit it because that might diminish his overall "cool" status and he can't risk it.

Going boldly where no one has gone before – yeah, they're good with that, especially since they know their ship will bring them safely home.

Home – it has various meanings to the crew but they all agree that there is nowhere they'd rather live than on their ship.

Jim Kirk – something else they all agree on is that he is the only Captain for their ship, and they know she knows it too.

Living in the tight quarters of a Starship, even theirs, would be more difficult if their Captain didn't make sure that they all get along, or resolve any problems that arise as quickly and judiciously as any Captain can.

Missions to the outer realms of the galaxy would be far more perilous if they didn't know that their ship is the best in the 'fleet and will never let them down.

"NCC1701 – is there any more beautiful registry number, ever?" Jim asks Spock who can only shake his head and hold more tightly to his t'hy'la's hand.

Other Starships are larger and faster but none are as special as the Enterprise.

Positions on the Enterprise are highly sought after, and Starfleet has a list of requests longer than can ever be fulfilled.

Quarters can be expanded when spousal assignments are approved and Scotty is sure she smiles every time he takes out a dividing wall.

Requisitions from the Enterprise always seem to be at the very top of pile on the desk of the Starfleet Quartermaster, a mystery Headquarters know they will never solve.

Spock knows that Jim loves him more than his ship, not that it is a contest or that he is at all jealous – that would be illogical.

'That's one well endowed lady' – words that assures Jim that Scotty loves her as much as he does, if not strictly in the same way.

Until they make me give her up – that's how long the Captain will remain on his ship.

Very soon after he first stepped aboard her, Jim knew that he and the Enterprise were meant to be together, a faith that has not diminished.

Water can be in short supply even on the Enterprise but that has never stopped Jim from dragging Spock into their shower for some slippery fun.

Xenobiologists are especially anxious to be assigned to the Enterprise because she goes to planets no other Starship would dare.

Youth may be wasted on the young, as the ancients said, but Jim puts his to good use aboard his Starship and she returns the favor.

Zebras have no place on a Starship, but Starfleet doesn't object to the ones painted on the wall of Rec Room 3, even if no one will explain how they ended up there.

* * *

_Okay, to everyone who asked and/or is curious, I'm really not obsessed with zebras. I started using them and they made me (and several readers) laugh so I kept using them. Cheating? Probably. But hey – they're my stories, right? If you are tired of zebras, feel free to stop at Y. Z won't always be zebras but it still makes me laugh! And to everyone who has reviewed "26" so far – yeah, YOU rock the most!!!_


	16. 26 About Away Missions

**26 About Away Missions**

All of them don't end in disaster, only …some of them.

Before you say it, Spock, I am going with you.

Captain, I recommend you remain on board, for your safety and for my peace of mind.

During some away missions, the Captain stays awake until he knows the entire team has returned safely to the Enterprise.

Energize – Jim doesn't actively worry that it will be last word he'll say but it does occur to him that it _could_ be the last thing he ever says.

First do not harm – that is true for all away missions and medical personnel.

Going down to new planets thrills Jim and terrifies Bones in equal measures.

Having to send any of his crew into hazardous situations never gets easier for Jim, and he's glad of it.

I missed you – the first thing Jim says to Spock when they return to their quarters once Spock has returned safely.

Just as I missed you, Spock replies, no further words necessary, or spoken, for some time.

Keptain, I've found them – four of the sweetest words the Captain ever heard when Chekov finally located the away team that had been out of contact for five endless days and nights.

"Locals are friendly and curious" – words that alarm Jim and Spock each time they read them in a briefing because those cultures invariably end up being the most dangerous.

Mission accomplished – one day, Jim swears to Spock, their report will read just that and nothing else.

Nothing ever goes exactly as planned and Bones wonders why this continues to surprise him.

Occasionally, Scotty will beam down with the away-team but he can't concentrate on the mission because he's afraid the Enterprise will fall apart without him.

Pavel Chekov likes being on the away-teams, especially when Hikaru also beams down to the planet, but they both have to promise to concentrate on the mission more so than each other.

Quite often, Uhura is included because of her linguistic skills _and_ because Jim knows she can charm anyone when she sets her mind to it, an invaluable skill for him to have on his side.

Returning from a successful away mission is sometimes a lot more exciting than beaming down for one.

Spock would lock Jim in their quarters if he thought he could get away with but he knows he can't and that Jim would find a way out and down to the planet anyway.

Time and time again, Spock asks Jim to please stay on the Enterprise and sometimes Jim will listen.

Uhura likes going on away missions, especially when Jim is leading them, because everyone finds him so undeniably charming, a fact she will never admit to her _Captain_.

Very often, Sulu's skill with swords comes in handy, especially on planets where swordsmanship is a highly prized art.

Watching the away-team beam down without him never gets easier for Jim even though he knows, deep down, that Spock is right and his place is on his ship.

Xenophobic societies rarely identify themselves as such until it is too late, making Jim want to open fire on them, which of course he never does.

You have done the Federation proud, he tells the away-team after one particularly grueling and ultimately successful mission.

Zebras aren't often found on new planets but the away-team always takes pictures when they find them because their Captain laughs when he sees them.


	17. 26 About Shoreleave

**26 About Shoreleave**

All things being equal, Jim doesn't really care where they take shoreleave as long as Spock is with him.

Being with Spock at any time is a little like their own private shoreleave, an idea that Spock agrees with although he won't admit it quite as readily as will Jim.

Chekov will eventually convince Sulu to go home with him to Russia in the heart of winter but he hasn't so far succeeded.

Despite rumors to the contrary, the Enterprise is not granted more shoreleaves than any other starship, and in fact, generally gets fewer than most.

Engineer Scott will reluctantly take shoreleave when the Captain specifically orders him to do so, and he'll sneak back on the ship as soon as he can get away with it.

For the longest time, Jim wouldn't let Bones take shoreleave on Earth because he was afraid when it came time to return to the Enterprise, the Doctor would simply refuse.

Gorgeous sunsets are wasted on Jim and Spock when they are on shoreleave together because they only have eyes for each other.

Hot weather is Spock's preference although Jim really likes to visit snowy locations, a dichotomy they finally resolve by alternating the types of resorts they visit.

Indoor recreational activities are always high on their list of priorities wherever they end up going.

Jim never felt entirely comfortable going on shoreleave until Spock and Bones joined forces and convinced him that his continued positive mental health was even more important than that of the rest of the crew.

Kayaking was something Spock never wanted to try until Jim showed him the one that was built for two, then Spock thought it was an excellent idea.

Leonard McCoy almost always refuses to go on shoreleave with his two best friends because he understands they do need time to themselves, and he has never wanted to be a third wheel to anybody.

Mardi Gras is the perfect time to visit New Orleans, Jim tells Spock, until they get there and are recognized, and are mobbed by thousands of drunken revelers, leading Jim to promise that Spock will be the one to choose their shoreleave destinations for the next three years.

Nobody would have expected Spock to pick DisneyWorld for their shoreleave, but he had a surprisingly good time and Jim promised they would go back whenever Spock wanted, even if they didn't get to be Grand Marshall of the Parade every time.

Oceans always mesmerize Spock, since the Vulcan on which he grew up nor New Vulcan have them, and Jim is fine with spending most of their shoreleaves next to one.

Peace and quiet – that's all Bones ever wants from his shoreleave, which is why he'll refuse to tell anybody where he's going, anybody but Jim of course.

Quite lovely, Spock tells Jim when the sun goes down in spectacular reds and yellows and oranges, although Jim suspects he's not talking solely about the sunset.

Risa is fine for shoreleave but Jim would much prefer to return to Earth, or go to New Vulcan to talk to first-Spock, although his Spock becomes jealous if they spend too much time together.

Sulu will go wherever Pavel wants him to, except Russia in the middle of winter, because too much snow makes Hikaru claustrophobic, an irrational fear he finally admits to Chekov after they had been married for 3 years.

Tomorrow is our last day, Jim reminds Spock sadly before gazing out over the ocean once more.

Until our next shoreleave, Spock replies before distracting Jim with his kisses and promises of more to come.

Visiting her home is bitter sweet for Nyota, and when she returns to the Enterprise, she immerses herself in her work until she shakes the melancholy left from the trip.

White water rafting ends up on Sulu's "forbidden" list when he breaks both arms while doing it down a waterfall.

"Xtreme rafting, Captain, is without a raft, which is the only reason I broke both arms," Sulu tries to explain, but Jim just turns a deaf ear to him and refuses to remove it from the list.

"You are never to do it again," Jim says to Sulu, making Chekov promise that he will do everything he can to stop Hikaru - next time.

Zero-hour is the time everyone is required to be back aboard the Enterprise or they will be left behind, and no one wants to have to contact Admiral Pike and explain why they are still planetside when their starship has already warped into space.

* * *

_Nope, no zebras this time. Probably next time. ;-)_


	18. 26 Misconceptions About The Enterprise

**26 Misconceptions About the Crew of the Enterprise  
Or 26 lies, untruths, falsehoods, and/or fabrications about those who serve the Enterprise.**

* * *

Admiral Pike does not allow Captain Kirk to personally select all of Enterprise's personnel but if Jim doesn't want someone on his crew, Chris will have them expeditiously reassigned.

Before Jim was giving the Enterprise, he _was_ required to complete the Command Track at the Academy; he just did it much more quickly than anyone else ever had.

Captain Kirk has never appeared naked on the Bridge, unless you insist on including that one time when his fever spiked and he managed to elude Spock and Dr. McCoy and…well, he really prefers not to discuss it - ever again.

Dr. McCoy does not refuse to treat any patient, regardless of species, condition, prior behavior while in Med Bay, or comments made about his ex-wife while that member of the crew was too drunk to know what he was saying in the Officer's Mess even though he had made a solemn vow to never ever repeat what Bones said while they were still at the Academy and on that particular night it was _Bones_ that had had too much to drink which is the only reason he discussed how hot sex with Jocelyn had been and that was probably why he'd ended up marrying her to start with.

Entire harvests of fresh fruits and vegetables are not beamed onto the Enterprise whenever they are near a Starbase; only enough to feed the crew for the amount of time it will take for them to arrive at the next Starbase.

For every opening on the Enterprise crew, there aren't really 2000 applicants – it only feels that way to Admiral Pike.

Gaila has not slept with every member of the Enterprise crew – only the ones not married or otherwise in a committed relationship – she does have standards, after all.

Hikaru does not get paid a bonus for his coolness factor despite Jim's repeated attempts to institute the Cooler Than Cool Stipend.

Inter-ship Starfleet Games were finally halted because the Admiralty got so tired of all the whining from the losers - that the Enterprise wins every single year because they cheat, a charge which they know has no validity because Captain Kirk's crew really is Just That Awesome.

Jim Kirk has not slept with every member of his crew, a fact Spock will absolutely verify as he is the only member of the crew with whom the Captain has ever or will ever sleep.

Karaoke was never a part of Inter-ship Starfleet Games and it has nothing to do with the fact that Jim Kirk is tone deaf.

Leonard McCoy has been offered the position of CMO on every ship in the fleet and there is no truth to the rumor he won't accept because he is Jim's other lover.

Mostly the crew of the Enterprise ignore snide remarks made about them, knowing the smack-talking stems from jealously, unless someone makes the mistake of claiming that their Captain is not the best ever in which case they will jump ugly with whoever dared dis Kirk.

Nyota does not join the Captain and Spock for threesomes nor would she ever consider it, especially after she and Dr. McCoy begin spending quality time together.

Officers on other ships gaze longingly at the Enterprise whenever they are docked at the same place, at the same time, wondering what they need to do to deserve assignment on that ship.

Pavel Chekov knows there are those who believe he is too young to have the privilege of being the Enterprise's Navigator but as long as Keptain Kirk believes he deserves it, he can ignore the whispers of favoritism that seem to follow him whenever they are with other members of Starfleet.

Quips and wisecracks about his youth or that of his crew no longer bother Jim and he laughs every time another ship beams a case of diapers over to them.

Reality often contradicts the cause for the jealousy of other crews, a fact Admiral Pike is forced to point out almost weekly if not daily.

Spock cannot understand the Human tendency to denigrate that which is desired, seemingly lessening the value of the very thing being coveted, and finally Jim stops trying to explain it to him.

There are only a few things that will cause Scotty to be moved to violence, and insults about his ship or his Captain are two that never fail to incite a brawl, with the ship being slightly ahead in the count.

Under certain circumstances, the Enterprise is granted more shoreleave than other ships, but then most ships don't spend the majority of their time preventing universe-ending cataclysms.

Vulcans prefer that only the Enterprise visit their planet for resupplying and assistance, for reasons that are crystal clear to those who serve aboard her.

Whatever anyone else may think, the crew of the Enterprise is the best in the 'fleet and that only fuels the fire of jealousy on the other ships.

Xenobiologists have been known to engage in fisticuffs to secure a posting on the Enterprise, a situation that annoys Pike and amuses Kirk in equal measures.

Young, brash, careless, arrogant, stubborn, brilliant – all words that have been used to describe a certain Captain but he prefers Awesome, if it's all the same to you.

Zebras have never been aboard the Enterprise and Pike cannot understand why that rumor is so persistent or why Jim laughs every time he hears it.


	19. 26 Places They've Had Sex

_**26 Places They've Had Sex**_

Arboretum – Sulu still can't figure out what happened to his prize nasturtiums that had been kept carefully in the far reaches of the garden.

Bridge – only when they were in spacedock and knew that no one else was on board.

Captain's chair – because, yeah, it was inevitable.

Dr. McCoy's quarters – and if he ever finds out, he will have them killed.

Engineering – that didn't work out so well when Scotty caught them but he was gracious enough to pretend he didn't really know what they were doing wedged between two of the gigantic cooling tanks.

Fencing piste – all that thrusting and parrying and… it took a really long time to divest themselves of their fencing gear so that probably won't happen again.

Gaila's quarters – she wasn't there and she gave them permission but they still count it.

Hallway between the transporter and the turbolift – because Jim had been gone for over a week and Spock couldn't wait until they got all the way back to their quarters.

Inside most of the supply closets – it's good to be Captain and have all the override codes.

Jeffries Tubes – 12 of them and counting, unless Scotty figures out a way to monitor all 73.84 miles that run through the entire ship.

Kitchen off of Rec Room 3 – that was Spock's fault because he had eaten more of the chocolate icing than he had put on the cupcakes.

Linen closet outside of Med Bay – it's quite cozy, actually, and big enough for them to lay down.

Med Bay – because McCoy was good enough to make himself scarce when Spock was still recovering from a broken leg, not that that stopped them but they were a little more cautious.

Nearly every conference room – there are a few scattered out between the crew quarters they haven't christened yet.

Observation Lounge – 6 out of 9 so far, the three remaining to be conquered as soon as possible.

Pike's office – he really shouldn't have kept them waiting for those 20 extra minutes.

Quartermaster Matherson's office – which may be why the Captain's requisitions for new uniforms was "inexplicably misplaced" for three weeks and for the last week he had to resort to wearing only his black undershirt, making the Command Crew call him "Cadet Kirk."

Restaurant bathroom – not their proudest moment but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do.

Swimming pool – Jim really enjoyed it but Spock thought the water should have been at least 5 degrees warmer.

Transporter room – Jim ordered the technicians to get out as soon as Spock materialized after being gone to New Vulcan for 4 weeks, which will never, ever happen again.

Under Spock's bed – they never did find that missing button.

Vulcan II – the sunburn Jim got finally healed by itself since McCoy refused to treat him for "sever stupidity."

White House – the President invited them to stay in the Lincoln Bedroom when they were testifying before Congress on budget cuts to Starfleet.

Xenobiology lab – claimed they were doing research on "cross pollination of species."

Yerkes Observatory – it really is a head-rush to have a brand new planetarium named in your honor and it deserves to be celebrated.

Zebra Zone – one of DisneyWorld's Animal Kingdom resorts which features in-room Jacuzzis – warm enough even for Spock.


	20. 26 Ways They Say I Love You

26 Ways They Say _I Love You_

_

* * *

  
_

Asking Spock if he wants to turn up the temperature in their quarters even though Jim is already starting to sweat.

Brewing coffee before Alpha shift.

Catching Spock's eye on the Bridge and not saying a word.

Describing what he will do to Jim once they have completed their shift.

Eating only vegetables because Spock prefers kissing him when he hasn't eaten meat.

Foregoing poker night to spend the time alone – together.

Glancing over at Jim just to make sure he is still there.

Hopping in excitement because Spock finally arrived in their quarters after a double shift.

Insisting that no, absolutely not, I do not want that last apple.

Just listening even though he really wants to talk.

Kissing secretly in the turbolift.

Looking all over for Jim's missing boot even though that made them both late for Alpha shift.

Massaging the strong muscles of Spock's back because Jim knows he can hear the love through the touch.

Not minding that Jim takes up more than his share of their bed.

Ordering room service on shoreleave so they didn't have to really dress to leave their cottage.

Pouncing on Spock as soon as he enters their quarters, even though Jim inevitably ends up on the bottom of their pile.

Quizzing their friends who know Jim best to find the perfect anniversary gift, and getting it exactly right.

Running his fingers through Spock's once perfectly ordered hair.

Staying up until Jim returns from the away-mission, even though he was gone for more than 48 of the ship's hours.

Translating his favorite Shakespeare sonnets into Vulcan.

Using their bond to make _plans_ for after Alpha shift.

Violating a direct Starfleet order because no way in hell was Jim letting Spock die on that God-forsaken planet, consequences be damned.

Watching Jim sleep.

Xeroxing his butt because Spock would have no idea how to react.

Yearning then having.

Zealously guarding their free time so they can spend it together.

* * *

_Yes, real life is starting to interfere but I had to write this one. All 332 words of it!! Hope you like it. Shakespeare said "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hmm..._


	21. 26 Reasons

**26 Reasons Starfleet Thought That It Might Have Been a Mistake…**  
**to make Jim Kirk Captain of the Enterprise**

* * *

Apparently not every starship Captain nearly gets himself killed on nearly every away mission.

Basic sense of survival is assumed, unless you are James T. Kirk.

Creative solutions to many problems will keep a starship going but that doesn't mean the engineers from Starfleet are ever going to think using a clothespin, a shoelace, and a plastic spork to fix the warp drive is a good idea.

Depending on the time of day, Starfleet is never entirely sure who might respond to their private messages to the Captain, since he never seems to be exactly where they expect him to be.

Executing a direct order is not optional, at least that's what Starfleet always thought until they promoted James Kirk.

Following protocol and regulations is also not optional, something else that seems to apply to James Kirk only sporadically.

Gossip can't be taken as the solemn truth but there has to be some accuracy to the rumor that Admiral Pike makes sure that not _all_ of the Captain's reports reach the upper levels of Starfleet.

Hardly a day goes by that Starfleet doesn't get yet another message from yet another starship that visited yet another planet that had recently hosted the Enterprise and the inhabitants of the planet haven't quite gotten over it yet.

_I didn't mean for it to happen_ – not the way a Captain's away-mission report should ever start, but Jim Kirk's do, with alarming regularity.

Junk food was not included in standard replicator programming until Starfleet got so tired of the Enterprise's repeated requests that they finally allowed their replicators to produce reasonable facsimiles of cheeseburgers, French fries, cheese doodles, and milk shakes.

Karaoke night is sacred on the Enterprise and Starfleet has learned not to bother trying to reach any of the command crew during their weekly ritual.

Little did they know that giving the Enterprise to the youngest captain ever would prematurely age all of Starfleet still on the ground.

Messages intended for Captain Kirk often seem to be delayed or misdirected, much more often than messages to any other Captain.

Nobody would ever doubt the loyalty of the crew of the Enterprise but Starfleet occasionally wishes that that loyalty extended to them as well.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more" – not the way any other ship would have told Starfleet they were about to engage in hostilities with the Klingons.

Poptarts aren't on any starship's regular requisitions, except the Enterprise's, and the central supply office no longer bothers to ask permission before sending them to Captain Kirk's ship.

Questions and requests for clarity about certain away-missions fall on deaf ears, as Captain Kirk never seems to find the time to respond to those transmissions.

Responding to Starfleet transmissions – again, something that was never optional until Captain Kirk was given his own ship.

_Spock will be a calming influence on Kirk_ – that reasoning went out the proverbial window the first time Starfleet told Spock to tell Kirk not to do something and Spock responded _bite me._

Trying to stop Kirk from doing anything necessary to save his crew and his ship is as effective as telling the ocean not to wash up on the shore.

_Unless you wish to relieve me of command, I will continue to do whatever is necessary to save my crew and my ship_ – words Starfleet has heard countless times since giving Jim Kirk his own ship.

Victory makes it possible to forgive a multitude of sins.

Whenever it's suggested that _maybe_ James Kirk was too young to be given his own ship, Pike pulls up Kirk's record, putting to rest that debate, until the next time.

X-rated holovids may or may not have been included in the most recent supplies offloaded onto the Enterprise – no one will confirm nor deny the rumor.

Years and experience will mellow him, right?

Zillions – the number of times Starfleet has asked Captain Kirk to please follow at least some of the regulations, _please_?


	22. 26 Times Jim Thought Being Captain

_**26 Times Jim Thought Being Captain Was NOT Utterly Awesome**_

Admiral Nogura really didn't need to yell at him that time they accidentally started a war between two previously uncharted planets especially since it was so totally _not_ his fault and he did convince them to stop fighting because as awesome as he is, no, he's really _not_ a god.

Before he was Captain, he could have slept with every willing member of the crew, but then that was also before he fell completely and totally in love with Spock so really that part about sleeping with the crew was doubly moot.

Catching two crewmembers in a compromising position in a place they should have never been to start with never gets any easier, no matter how many times he has yelled "Get a freaking room already."

Denying shoreleave to three of Scotty's engineers seemed overly harsh even though they did in fact totally screw up but they were really sorry afterwards and what harm would it do to just give them one more chance, really?

Except if you give them one more chance, _Captain,_ and allow them to take shoreleave, they will not fully comprehend the severity of their lack of attention to detail and duty.

Fine, Spock, I'll be the hardass you want me to be and make them stay on board while we go down to the planet and eat really good food and swim in the ocean and make love on the sand.

Going to all those stupid Federation banquets never gets any less annoying or tiring, but at least when Spock is with him, they can use their bond to share images of how they will spend their time together once the latest stupid "official function" is finally over.

How hard is it, really, for those two crewmembers to settle their own personal vendetta instead of constantly coming to him to whine about what Paul supposedly did in retaliation to Eric's latest deed of unspeakable evil?

Insubordination has various meanings but, really, when he told Admiral Fitzgerald to _shut the fuck up already _he meant it in the kindest, most respectful way possible.

Jail cells on Vehaad VI are the nicest while the ones of Kenter Minor are the absolute worse especially since the natives are only three feet tall.

Kenter Minor, it turns out, has strict rules forbidding public displays of affection but the crew only discovered that includes making direct eye contact after the Captain had been arrested for it.

Laws obviously vary from planet to planet but it would be nice, really, if the planetary representatives would provide the list of those things that will get your Captain arrested _before_ he is hauled off and incarcerated.

Manning the Bridge for four straight shifts would be much simpler if the Klingons would stop firing at his ship just long enough for him to go to the bathroom _and_ drink an entire cup of coffee without them rocking his ship and spilling it all over his just-changed uniform.

Nowhere in Command training did they mention that urinary tract infections and hemorrhoids are a professional hazard of being Captain, nor does he especially appreciate it when Bones laughs at him when he has to admit that it has happened _again_.

Overseeing the entire inner workings of the Enterprise doesn't necessarily have to include inspecting overflowing crew toilets and helping to clear jammed garbage shoots, does it?

Paperwork.

Quite by accident, he learns that taking your shoes off before you enter the Most Revered Sacred Temple of Our Venerable Holiness is required rather than optional, a lesson he has plenty of time to contemplate as they wait for Admiral Pike to come to Aleixtensen and explain the Captain's grievous and quite unforgivable however unintentional insult, one he will never ever repeat if they will be so kind and forgiving as to simply release him to the Admiral's custody.

Rear Admiral Serapins seems to think the "incident" on Aleixtensen is the final straw and he will finally have his wish to relieve Kirk of command but the other Admirals voted him down, the decision to allow the Captain to retain the Enterprise unanimous, except for Serapins, of course.

Spock tried to warn him not to wade into the fountain in the middle of the town square but Jim was sure it would be okay because no one was around and it was just water, right?

Time-outs end up being a very effective method for dealing with some of the weirder behaviors of the younger-than-average crew, especially when the computers in their quarters are inactivated for the entire duration of their "think about what you did" periods.

Understanding the behavior of all 450+ crewmembers gets easier the older he gets but _really_ sometimes it is like being the father to that many children even though they don't have any of his truly awesome genes.

Visiting dignitaries want to spend as much time as possible with the charming, attractive Captain of the Enterprise which is fine but there comes a time when that same Captain really does need to get some sleep.

Whitewashing the truth takes a certain amount of skill, diplomacy, and charm, the last of which he has in abundance, and the first two he's getting more and more of, much to the dismay of the Admiralty.

Xenophobic planets still piss him off and he'll never get very good at pretending otherwise.

_Yes sir_ is a lot easier to say when you're half way across the galaxy and they won't know if you did what you were told, but returning to Earth and saying it face-to-face to some of the more idiotic Admirals at Starfleet headquarters is much more of a challenge.

Zebra becomes their code word whenever they are stuck at a boring diplomatic function, alerting the closest crewmember that he or she needs to get Spock and/or Bones _now_ before Jim causes a diplomatic incident that even Pike won't be able to resolve.


	23. 26 Times That Spock Thinks Requesting

_**26 Times That Spock Thinks Requesting to Be Jim's First Officer Was NOT Such a Good Idea**_

_A/N: _This chapter of 26 seemed like a natural follow-up to the last two. It was also at least partially inspired by this line from **Some Days It's Not Even Worth It **by _Suppi-chan:_

_Spock gives them the look that means he's pretty sure he was high the day he decided to stay with Starfleet._

The entire story is laugh-out-loud hysterical!! Go read it. I'll wait.

* * *

Antagonizing the inhabitants of the planets they visit seems to come naturally to Jim, even though he is always sorry afterward and insists he didn't mean to upset them, and isn't it convenient how Spock is able to so logically convince them not to take Jim prisoner or blow the Enterprise out of the sky.

Beaming down to the surface of a planet without Jim is much safer, until Jim starts to really miss Spock and sends him mental images of all the ways in which Jim will _greet_ him when Spock's finally back on board.

Certain crewmembers are sure that one day Spock's bud of calm is going to blossom into hysteria, a belief he does nothing to alter because he secretly enjoys watching them slowly back away every time they think _this is it – this is the one that's sending him over the edge._

During away-mission briefings, Spock generally has all the pertinent information committed to memory and cannot understand the logic behind any member of the away team challenging him on the facts simply because the _Captain_ casually mentioned that he'd heard all of the inhabitants have four breasts or two penises, depending on gender.

Ears and eyebrows were something he took for granted until his attracted an inordinate amount of attention from just about everyone he encounters, but only one person is allowed to touch them.

Forming friendships is much easier for Humans than for Vulcans, at least until he finally understands the comfort and warmth that comes from being able to call someone a true friend.

Games of chance have their place but offer no real challenge to Spock, no matter how many times he's told that "card counting" is officially cheating.

He will eventually understand some of the Human customs which seem to flourish and multiple on board their ship, although he suspects that the concept of wearing bizarre outfits in order to portray mystical creatures and then going up and down the corridors to request candy from friends will remain an eternal mystery to him.

Instead of being annoyed by some of the more illogical Human behaviors that surround him on a daily basis, he decided early on to observe them as though the crew were subjects in one massive science experiment.

Jumping between phaser fire and one of the members of the away team was something he would have never considered until he realized that they were indeed his family.

Keeping track of the Captain is his job by default, and it's not that he minds especially, but he has considered on more than one occasion the possibility of arming himself with a tranquilizer gun before going off-ship with him.

Listening to Dr. McCoy complain about_ that goddamn man-child in charge of this goddamn starship_ secretly amuses Spock even though he is very careful not to let the doctor suspect that particular truth.

Mondays have no real meaning on a starship which is why he cannot understand their reasoning when certain members of the crew complain about it being Monday _again_ _already_.

No, I will not engage in the ritualistic carving of contorted facial features into these round orange _Cucurbita, _even if Lieutenant Sulu did grow them for just such a purpose.

Occasionally, Spock has to ask certain members of the Bridge crew to stop talking, for just a few minutes, because as illogical as it sounds, he is sure if they don't, his ears _will_ start to bleed.

Perhaps, Admiral, you would like to be the one to explain to the Captain that you are ordering the Enterprise to leave orbit while six members of our crew remain stranded on the planet, because I have no intentions of it.

Quadratic equations turn out to be the key to understanding the inhabitants of Eulersten, and Spock quite enjoys their company even though they maintain that Einstein was wrong about a great many of his theories.

Regulations, he always thought, were non-negotiable but that was before he began serving under a Captain who considers them _guidelines_ rather than actual rules.

Serving under Captain Kirk has its challenges, not the least of which is trying to keep him and his Captain alive, and to retain his sanity after yet another planet tries to kill them in a completely unprovoked attack caused by a misunderstanding that, really, wasn't Jim's fault _this time._

Turning a blind eye to certain crew behaviors becomes progressively easier the longer he serves on board the Enterprise, especially when the Captain convinces him that they really do need to participate in some of those behaviors _together_.

Utensils that are a combination of a spoon and a fork are a great source of amusement to many of the crewmembers, the humor of which Jim has tried repeatedly to explain but Spock still cannot understand what is so funny about the name.

Vulcans supposedly don't like water so it was a major surprise to almost everyone when Spock jumped into the lake on Espondary because the Captain either fell in or was pushed by the overly excited greeting party.

Waldenland sounded like a perfectly lovely planet to visit until the natives took an unhealthy interest in their guests and chased them for 5 hours with gigantic butterfly nets, making Spock swear off the word "Fascinating" for more than a week because that's what the natives had called the away team.

Xenoliguistics is imperative on most away missions, except for those that end up with the away team running for their lives, something Spock really wishes they could avoid on a more regular basis.

_Y'all_ is a word Spock thinks is extremely useful since Standard doesn't have any other designation for the plural _you_ to distinguish it from the singular _you_ but he will never admit this to Dr. McCoy.

Zebras were not native to Vulcan and the first time Spock sees one, he begins to understand the fascination his Human companions feel about them, although he is fairly confident that Jim did not _actually_ have permission to try and ride one on the game preserve they visited.

* * *

_This chapter was the toughest to write so far. Most of them wrote themselves but this one was more of a struggle. I wanted to find that balance between laughing with Spock without laughing at him. Sure hope I succeeded. _


	24. 26 About Jim, Spock, and Bones

**26 About Jim, Spock, and Bones  
A/N: The topic for this installment was suggested by UnleashTheBats. Thanks sweets!! Hope it lives up to your expectations!**

* * *

Almost everyone thinks that the Captain has slept with the Commander, the Commander has slept with the Doctor, and the Doctor has slept with the Captain, but only the first one is true.

Being best friends takes some juggling for all three of them but none mind the effort, and Bones knows there is a connection between Jim and Spock that no one can rival or breach.

Catching up after not seeing one another for several days is something of a ritual for Jim and Bones, one that started at the Academy and to which Spock is always welcome though he rarely joins them, honoring their need to have time to themselves.

Despite what most people think from the way they behave, the friendship that Spock and Bones share is nearly equal to that shared by Bones and Jim, with significantly less history or alcohol.

Eavesdropping on some of the more colorful "discussions" Bones and Spock have is one of the most entertaining aspects of serving on the Enterprise for everyone including the Captain.

Friendship, though intangible and indefinable, is one aspect of Human behavior that Spock cherishes and nourishes, and relishes the fact that Jim and Bones feel the same.

Going on and on about how much he loves Spock could get on Bones' nerves but he loves Jim enough to listen without complaint or interruption.

Hearing Jim and Bones talk about their time at the Academy makes Spock wonder why they were not both expelled long before the Narada incident.

Inside jokes exist between them even though Spock usually pretends he does not understand what they are talking about, making Jim laugh and Bones frown, both equally amusing to Spock.

Jealousy is never a concern between the three of them because there is love enough for them all.

_Knit together from the yarn of love_ is a saying they've heard to describe why their friendship works so well.

Loosing Spock or Bones would be equally hard for Jim so he vows to do everything possible to make sure it doesn't happen – ever.

Marrying them both is not an option which sometimes Jim regrets and sometimes is glad about because he's not sure he could take waking up every single morning with Bones telling him he needs to sleep more or faster or standing up instead of laying down.

Not that anyone bothered to ask him but he knew Jim and Spock were supposed to be more than just friends because he has eyes _dammit_ and he could see it.

Observing the three of them together is enough to make any member of the crew smile and be glad that they have each other because everybody needs someone they can count on, no matter what.

People can talk all they want, Jim tells Spock, but we know the truth about who we've slept with and who we haven't.

Quit worryin' about things you got no control over, Bones adds in exasperation when Spock continues to be concerned about the rumors that their friendship is also a sexual union.

Respecting our privacy is not too much to ask, Spock replies to them both but they remind him that rumors have only a passing resemblance to the truth and he can't let it bother him.

Science is capable of illuminating many mysteries in life but not what makes for true friendships and Spock finds he prefers it that way.

Triangles are an apt symbol for their friendship as long as they are equilateral.

Upsetting one will more than likely upset them all, a fact the crew understands and honors and avoids learning from personal experience at all costs.

Vacationing together fuels the speculation that they are all lovers but they don't care because the time they spend together away from the concerns of command is worth the extra gossip it generates.

Witnessing their friendship in action is awe-inspiring to the crew and makes them glad they serve men capable of such loyalty and devotion.

X-rays reveal that, in fact, they are _not_ joined at the hip as certain Admirals tend to claim.

You cannot split them up, Pike warns Starfleet Command, because they will resign before they will agree to serve on separate ships.

Zero probability is only theoretical but Spock has to agree when Jim and Bones use it to describe the likelihood that they would ever allow Command to assign them to different ships.


	25. 26 Ways Jim Might Be A Jedi

_A/N: In case it isn't obvious, I am a huge Star Wars fan. I was in college when the very first one came out (yes - I am _that_ old!) and I have loved them ever since. I have seen the first three (by release date) more times than can possibly be healthy. But I'm okay with that._

_I realize that this is the third chapter I've posted today (the other two chapters belong to Epiphany and Red Number Days) and despite how it may seem, I really do have a life, sort of. But things aren't going as smoothly in my RL as I'd like right this minute so I tend to escape through my writing. Which is either a blessing or a curse for us both, depending on your perspective I guess._

_And, incredibly enough, this is the second to the last installment of **26.** It seems appropriate that it have 26 "chapters" and this is chapter 25. So the next one I post will be the last. I haven't written it yet and don't know what the topic will be. It makes me sad to think I'm coming to the end of this particular adventure. I may write a second series of 26, if my muses are of the same mind about it. These chapters are such great fun to write, I can't seem to help myself. Especially when my RL is less than... wonderful. (If you want to share with my muses your opinion of the possibility of a 2nd "26" I'm pretty sure they'd be interested in what you'd have to say.)_

_Sorry this note is so long. You might have noticed, if you've read any of my stories before, that I do tend to go on and on and on... Hmm... sorry._

_Anyway, here you go:_

* * *

_**26 Ways Jim Could/Would/Should Be a Jedi Knight, With Spock's Help Of Course**_

Admiral Pike has more than a passing resemble to Obi-Wan Kenobi, what with knowing Jim's father when Jim never did, and setting Jim on his new path, the one he was always supposed to follow, _and_ how cool would have been if he had had a lightsaber to give Jim.

Before he joined Starfleet, Jim was reckless, always looking to where he was going, _not_ to where he was, what he was doing.

C-3PO was fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, and Jim is sure Uhura is nearly the droid's equal, although not quite.

Deserts played an important role in both their lives, although Spock reminds him that Vulcan in no way resembled the fictional Tantoine but Jim generally prefers to ignore that fact.

Evil Empires threaten both their worlds and Jim knows one day he'll defeat the Klingons just as surely as Luke triumphed.

Flying through space faster than the speed of light is uber-cool whether or not you're a Jedi.

Growing up on a farm did nothing to prepare Jim or Luke for a career in space, and Jim can say with complete certainty that they never had any moisture vaporizers in Iowa.

Han Solo doesn't exist in Jim's world but even if he did, Jim wouldn't trade Spock by his side even if it meant he could really be a Jedi.

It helps that Spock has touch telepathy because Jim says that makes him like a Jedi too, and Jim doesn't want to have to leave Spock behind when he joins the other Jedi to save the universe.

Jedi Knights don't really exist, Bones periodically reminds him, but Jim just laughs knowingly and continues on his way.

Knights of any kind have not existed for millennia, Spock reminds Jim, and Jedi Knights were never real at any rate, to which Jim laughs knowingly, and if they aren't in bed together, continues on his way.

Lightsabers really do need to be invented, Jim tells Spock, and one day I'll succeed in doing it, because all Jedi Knights know how to construct them.

_"Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious_," sounds suspiciously like many of the bars Jim frequented before he joined Starfleet.

No one would have considered Jim or Luke anything special until they proved their worth and could no longer be dismissed as The Kids who seemed to be in the way.

Ordinary people cannot possibly appreciate what it means to be a Jedi Knight, Jim declares when Bones insists, yet again, that he is in fact _not_ a Jedi.

Pike usually grumbles when Jim calls him Obi-Wan but he knows he'll never be able to stop him, and he really doesn't mind as much as he pretends to, taking it as a compliment.

Quit sayin' we're on Dagobah, Bones requests yet again when they visit the Mississippi delta during shoreleave on Earth.

R2-D2 would like being on the Enterprise because we mostly have ramps and not too many steps so it would be easy for him to navigate.

Seeing the future is one of the gifts of being a Jedi, Jim tells Spock, who only sometimes bothers to remind him that it is the Ambassador, not the Force, that reveals the future to Jim.

_Try not. Do or do not. There is no try_ is Jim's motto, helping make it possible for him to believe there is no such thing as a no-win scenario.

Uncle Owen could have been nicer to Luke, Jim tells Spock, who hears the truth about Frank in Jim's voice.

Vulcan princes and Alderaan princesses have nothing in common and are _not_ further proof that you are a Jedi.

Wookies would join Starfleet although we'd have to make the corridors taller because we didn't have them in mind when we designed them.

X-winger fighters are something else that we need, Jim tells Spock, and Spock cannot disagree with that statement as much as he would like to find a logical reason to do so.

Yoda could do a lot worse than having me as a student, although he might say I'm too old to begin the training, and might worry that I would not finish what I have begun, but I'm meant to be a Jedi.

Zebras have no history with Jedi Knights but Jim is sure that if Luke had ever seen one, he would have tried to ride it too.


	26. 26 Ways Star Trek Is Way Cooler Than RL

_A/N: Yes, faithful readers, this is it. Chapter 26 of "26." It's been epic. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, alerted. But, as we know, all good things must to come an end. And this is the end of "26." Hope you enjoy it!_

**26 Ways Star Trek is Way Cooler than Real Life  
**yeah, like you didn't already know that? (I'm breaking the "fourth wall" in case you didn't notice.)

**

* * *

**

Aliens make interesting friends, neighbors, and coworkers, providing they don't try to eat, kill, or mate with you on first contact.

Beaming from place to place beats the hell out of being stuck in a traffic jam on the way to work.

Chris Pine – need I say more?

Dr. McCoy seems to be able to cure almost anything and isn't that what we all want from our friendly family physician, even one as grumpy as he is – grumpy but HOT!

Engaging warp drive will get you to the mall _so_ much faster when they are having a shoe sale.

Forget ever having to run the dishwasher again – can you say replicated dishes?

Going to uncharted planets, discovering new life forms, learning new customs from aliens – beats going grocery shopping at WalMart any day!

Hitching your wagon to a star is a lot easier when your wagon is a starship.

Ignoring direct orders may get you a good talking to, but it all turns out okay in the end, especially when you are the star!

Just trying going faster than the speed of light in real life – Einstein said we never will, and who, other than the writers of Star Trek, is going to argue with Einstein?

Klingons won't win because the bad guys just don't – which is very different from RL.

Love of all kinds and in all possibilities is considered "normal" so long as both parties are willing, able, and legal.

Missions will end successfully, or without anyone (other than a poor redshirt) dying, and then we'll all have a drink to toast our awesomeness.

Nobody has to worry about a particularly troubled Romulan blowing up Earth, which helps me sleep better at night.

Outer space holds endless possibilities and who among us doesn't want to have the chance to discover some of them?

Poverty has been eliminated which is one of man's goals, providing everyone the opportunity to become whatever they want to become.

Quinto, Zachary – just OMG.

Real life can be a real drag sometimes, but space – it always seems to be exciting, or will be very very soon.

Space is the final frontier, one we may never be able to explore because of that whole "not traveling faster than the speed of light" thing.

Time travel is also impossible, but _oh_ the fun it creates!

Understanding other species will help us to understand ourselves even better.

Vulcans don't really exist, but I sure wish they did because I'd love to meet one!

What could be more exciting than boldly going where no one has gone before?

Xenoliguistics needs to exist so we have a reason to have Nyota Uhura on the crew, because she would melt the hearts of any aliens we encounter - I mean, wow.

Zebras may exist in neighboring solar systems and don't we need to go and find out?


End file.
